Five Reasons Why Guys Love Porn
By Peter C. Kleponis, Ph.D., SATP, CSAT
Many people, especially women, wonder why men are so attracted to pornography. They have difficulty understanding how certain photographs and videos can have such a hold on men’s attention. While men’s attraction to pornography is due to a complex combination of biological, psychological and sociological processes, for laypeople they can be condensed into five reasons.
- They enjoy the physical effects of pornography. Men are wired to be visually stimulated. When they encounter an erotic image they automatically look! This launches a series of chemical reactions in the brain and body that lead to great emotional and physical pleasure and excitement. They also trigger sexual arousal, which leads to masturbation. The resulting orgasm reinforces the whole process making him want to go back for more!
2. It’s a “guy thing.” For decades our society has told men that “real men view porn.” We can see this in all the jokes about men and pornography seen in the media. In many circles a young man will encounter teasing and ridicule if he admits he doesn’t use pornography. If he has never seen it he is viewed by his peers as naive and unsophisticated – a wimp. Because of this, men often feel pressured to view pornography and when they do they somehow believe they are “real men” and can measure up to their peers. Unfortunately, this sense of manliness and maturity is an illusion. It doesn’t make him a real man. If anything, it makes him act more like an adolescent.
3. It’s a means for male bonding. Male bonding is crucial for healthy development. Countless studies point to the importance of men and boys bonding with their fathers and male peers. Healthy avenues for bonding include sports, camping, fishing, and travel. However, in today’s pornified culture, men have used viewing pornography as a way of bonding. Many young men will admit that their conversation around the cafeteria table often deteriorates into discussions about pornography. In order to fit in and bond with one’s peers, a young man must view pornography and be able to discuss it. While this does help them bond with one another, it is not a healthy bonding. Instead of encouraging each other to be strong men of valor that respect women, they are encouraging each other to view women as little more than sex objects.
4. They believe they are learning how to be great lovers. It’s no secret that most men in America receive very poor sexual educations at home, at school, and at church. Instead of learning about the true meaning of sex in regard to relationships, they are simply learning the mechanics of sex and how not to get a woman pregnant. Even that education is substandard. Because young men naturally want to learn all they can about sex and relationships, and they are not getting adequate answers at home, school or church, they are naturally going to the Internet. This invariably leads them into pornography. Instead of learning about healthy sex and intimacy, they are learning how to use women sexually in ways that are most often degrading and physically dangerous. Yet because this is what they see on the Internet, they believe they are learning about healthy sexuality and what women want.
5. Love without responsibility. With pornography, men can enjoy the thrill of sex without the responsibility of a relationship. There is no need to give of one’s self with pornography. The women in porn are available all the time, they love sex and never say no, and any type of sex desired can be found on the Internet. This leads men to believe that fantasy is better than real love. The come to believe that sex should be exciting beyond compare and the ultimate goal is personal physical pleasure. While this may initially seem like paradise, it ultimately leaves a man alone and unfulfilled. That’s because without the loving relationship found in marriage, sex can never satisfy. Thus men are constantly in a futile search for THE cybersex encounter that will satisfy.
As you can see, these five reasons keep men going back to pornography over and over again. Unfortunately, they ultimately lead to great disappointment. What men need to realize is that their ultimate desire is for real intimacy. This can only come from a healthy relationship with a real woman. One where there is mutual love and respect. It requires a lot of giving and self-sacrifice for both parties; however, the result is a life filled with authentic love and joy. That leads to true satisfaction and fulfillment!
